9 Aug 2011

Hestia and the Dog Show - Part I

When I volunteered to help my Day Carer with the admin of the local Agricultural Show I envisaged nothing more taxing than sticking on stamps or folding up letters....or maybe braiding flowers into the mane of a big shire horse.  But instead I found myself signed up to admin The Dog Show.

Anyone who has ever seen All Creatures Great And Small know the hell that is the Dog Show.  Hotly contested and prone to violence on a London Riot scale.

'Are you ok with that?' asked my carer, peering over her glasses as my face fell into my plate of lasagna as she announced her news.

'Oh yes, I'm fine with that,' I smiled faintly and none too convincingly.

'What do I have to do?' I asked.

'I have no idea, to be honest.  An neither has the judge. She's never judged before. Someone else has always done it.  But how hard can it be?'

Indeed, how hard can it be.......and I had another glass or two of wine and promptly forgot all about it.

The other day I got a phone call from my Day Carer:

DC: 'You still up for this on Wednesday?'

Wednesday? What was happening on Wednesday?

Me:  'Oh, erm, yes. *pause*  What are we doing on Wednesday again?

DC *rising panic* ' THE DOG SHOW!!!'

me:  'Oh yes, THAT.  I thought you meant something else' *unconvincing laughter*

DC:  'How are you on gun dogs and working dogs?'

Me:  'How do you think?'

DC:  'Hmmm, that's what I thought.  Can you tell the difference between a gun dog and a working dog?'

Me: 'No.  But I'm hoping that the owners can?'

DC:  'Fair point.  I've done some forms and some tags and I've got a bag with the rosettes and the schedule of trophies'


Me:  'So it's not just the Waggiest Tail and Best Six Legs then?'

DC: *snorts with laughter*  'Oh no!  There are a dozen classes.  You'll need to know which class is eligible for which trophy...and to make sure the correct class is announced in the ring'.

Me:  'Right, so who's making the announcements?'

DC:  'Well YOU are.'

Me:  'Right.'  *now recumbent on sofa with arms over eyes and making a slight whining noise*

DC:  'Have you seen the weather forecast for Wednesday?'

Me:  'No.  Is it set to be fine' *hopeful face*

DC:  'Are you kidding?  Just make sure you wear your wellies'

....and Wednesday is TOMORROW, dear reader  *gulp*  Put up a prayer for me or sacrifice a 
virgin :-)


  1. sacrifice a virgin? hm. as someone once said, i may not have my virginity but i still have the box it came in...

    you'll do fine. i'm sure of it. just make sure to have a fortifying bevvie before and all will be well (or you simply won't care).

  2. ^^^ Ha ha ha Polish Chick - I'd not heard that before!

    Hestia, just do what normal dog judges do - award prize to owner you'd most like to date! - the dogs wont care!

    I wish I'd known sooner, could have initiated the Mrs Exeter Prize for Naughtiest Terrier.

    Good luck today.

  3. I agree with Mrs. Exeter. also, surely 'that dog is the cutest' as an acceptable way to judge?

  4. I wonder what will be the best bribe you'll be offered ? :D

  5. Is it outdoors? If you have the same weather as us, lovely for ducks - good luck with the smell of wet dogs. I am preparing a lakeside picnic as we speak for a lazy summer evening listening to jazz ha ha ha x

  6. when in doubt....just go for the under dog...!! good luck xx

  7. I'd just get bladdered and go for the cutest dog, too. x


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